Love You 'till the End
by Anderwarbler
Summary: When fate steps in and shatters Sebastian and Blaine's life together, Blaine can barely pick up the pieces of their broken life that are scattered around him. Thankfully, Sebastian steps in to help his husband in a unique way.
1. Chapter 1

"Do I at least get to know why you're mad this time?"

"I'm not mad." Blaine says shortly.

"Clearly."

"Seb, just drop it. I'm not mad. It's fine." The shorter lets out a heavy sigh as he looks out of the window of the cab they're in, his breath fogging up the glass.

They've been out on a date for their anniversary and it had been such a wonderful night. They got all dressed to the nines, Blaine even got his husband into a bow tie for the first time since they've been together. He always knew he would- no matter how Sebastian protested- he knew he'd get him into one; and with those big hazel eyes and that cheesy, sparkly grin, how could Sebastian say no?

Everything had been perfectly sweet and romantic that night; Blaine had it all planned out. First, he took Sebastian dancing. They held each other close, swaying from side to side, moving in a slow circle in the middle of the crowded, dimly lit dance floor as the soft music flowed out of the speakers, almost visibly circling them. They were completely oblivious to the world, gazing at each other with hearts in their eyes, speaking soft, sweet words inbetween slow, romantic kisses. They could've danced all night; the only reason they left was because they had dinner reservations.

Sitting all alone in the back corner of one of the coziest restaurants in town, Blaine didn't know if it was all of the close dancing from before or the way the romantic restaurant wrapped an inviting warmth around them or if it was just the simple fact that he loved the man next to him- not to mention he looked absolutely delicious in his tux- but he couldn't keep away. He sat as close as possible to his husband, whispering words of affection against his ear as he kissed it softly, his hand sliding a little too far up on Sebastian's thigh, earning a signature smirk from the taller who only returned the flirtation.

It was all great up until sometime in the middle of dinner, they pulled away from their kisses to eat and talk of memories and of the future, when Blaine sat a bit straighter in the booth and let go of Sebastian's hand. It was obvious that Sebastian said the wrong thing- at least, it was obvious to Blaine. Sebastian had no idea what he'd said and obviously he hadn't meant for it to ruin their whole night, but that is exactly what it did. The whole feeling of the night had changed, as did Blaine's demeanor. He became very quiet and closed off, scooting away from Sebastian a little, and anything he did have to say was short and irritated.

"Is something wrong?" Sebastian finally spoke up after a long moment of silence, looking at him with genuine confusion.

"Nope," was all he said.

Sebastian's stomach and heart sank down into his toes, he knew he had messed up. The whole night from then on was very quiet. Blaine sat there, clearly unhappy, with a scowl on his face as he only picked at the food in front of him now and asking for the check the next time he saw their waiter. While Sebastian sat there, obviously upset as well, a deep wrinkle set in his forehead, going over what he possibly could have said, but coming up with nothing

Now here they are, sitting on opposite sides of the cab, Sebastian going through every detail of the night that he can remember while Blaine crosses his arms. With the exception of a couple of huffs escaping Blaine's lips, the cab ride home is completely silent.

"You know you have to talk to me at some point." Sebastian finally says as they enter their Upper East Side apartment, shutting the door behind them and kicking off his shoes next to a pair of Blaine's flip flops by the door. The tension has gotten so high by now that it feels as if he can barely walk- like they're wading through a sea of caramel.

"Mhm," is the only response he gets from the shorter before he watches him disappear off into their bedroom.

This is driving him crazy.

He hates when this happens; something stupid falls out of his mouth, Blaine gets upset and he has to spend the entire rest of his night- and sometimes his morning- figuring out the puzzle as Blaine continues to give him the silent treatment. It happens so often that he feels like he should be able to figure it out sooner and maybe even prevent these episodes but... No such luck. With a heavy sigh, the taller finally shuffles his way towards their bedroom, rubbing his face and letting his shoulder slump. He's heading into a battlefield and he knows it's going to be a long night.

"B," His voice is a pitiful groan as he steps into their room, letting his arms cross loosely over his body. "Will you just please tell me what I did so I can apologize and we can get on with our life?"

Blaine shakes his head stubbornly as he shrugs off his blazer, hastily taking the hanger from the closet to hang it up. "Sebastian, you know what you said."

"I obviously don't!"

Raising his eyebrows, the shorter pulls at the bow-tie around his neck with a frown. "You don't want to have kids with me." He tosses the bow-tie onto the dresser in front of him instead of hanging it up so he can turn to look at his husband with his hands placed firmly on his hips. "I heard you loud and clear tonight. So, you know what? Fine, we won't have kids."

Sebastian stands there for a long moment as he looks at Blaine, waiting for this to be some kind of joke. He raises his eyebrows in search of any hint of amusement on Blaine's face but there isn't any. He's dead serious.

"Are-are you serious?" Sebastian finally speaks, resisting the urge to laugh at just how comical this moment is. He can't believe it. "We're going to do this again?"

This isn't the first time- nor will it be the last time- that Blaine has accused Sebastian of not wanting children, and he just finds it completely ridiculous. In all honesty, maybe when Sebastian was younger he didn't care to have kids; he liked being free and he knew what a hassle it might be to have them. But with Blaine? With Blaine, all Sebastian has ever wanted was to have a family with him. He dreams of having a family with Blaine.

"That is the most ridiculous thing- When did I even say that?" He feels so tired, so hurt, so angry that he has to keep defending himself over and over again on this issue. Blaine should know him better by now.

"Just forget it."

His frustration grows and he lets out an exasperated groan."Oh, of course 'just forget it'. God forbid we ever talk about anything at all." Huffing, Sebastian drops his arms, the feeling of his hands hitting against his thighs smarts slightly. "No, that's okay- just keep it all inside, don't talk to me about anything. Nope, that's fine. That's how things get fixed." Now it's his turn to begin undressing in a hasty manner, throwing his tie and coat haphazardly onto the chair in the corner of their room. Another thing about Blaine- he gives the silent treatment until you've almost given up on trying and then he throws it all out there just to retract again. He's the most insufferable human being sometimes.

"Oh for the love of God, Seb." Blaine rolls his eyes as he throws his socks into the clothes bin by the closet, clicking his tongue against his teeth. "You're so dramatic."

"I'm dramatic? You're the one who hasn't talked to me all night because you took something I said the wrong way!" Sebastian shakes his head in disbelief, he feels like a crazy person sometimes because he literally does not know what's happening and then it explodes in his face like this.

"No, I haven't talked to you all night because you're an ass."

"What?! How the hell am I an ass? What did I do that was so horrible?" His level of anger has just about matched up with Blaine as he continues to defend himself. He remembers the comment that most likely started this whole thing. "Is it because I suggested we maybe wait a little bit? Is that it? God, B, if I didn't want kids we wouldn't be looking for someone so hard! Money is a little tight and surrogates are expensive and I wouldn't be wasting my money on something that I don't want."

"Oh ho ho, of course. Your money. Mhm, I knew you resented me for quitting my job. I just knew it!" Blaine crosses his arms again in a defensive stance- Of course that's what he latches onto. Sebastian doesn't think Blaine has even heard the part where Sebastian absolutely wants to have kids. "You're the one who told me to quit since I hated it so much, if you'll remember." He shakes his head.

Sebastian can't hold back a dramatic eyeroll. "Yes, I told you to quit because I got tired of hearing you do nothing but bitch about it. That's all you ever did!"

"Oh, well, I am so sorry I'm not perfect like you are, Sebastian." Sass is practically dripping out of his husband's mouth.

"Shut up with that."

"No, no! I'm soo sorry that I don't have the perfect job with the perfect co-workers and the perfect secretary who is up my ass all of the time."

"Oh, here we go again." The taller mutters, rubbing his face with his hands, exhausted. Not this again. "Blaine, I think it's really stupid how jealous you are of my secretary."

"Well I think it's really stupid how much time you spend with her, and how you let her hang all over you when you go out with people from the office."

"B, in case you haven't noticed, I'm gay."

"You've been with and dated girls before."

"Oh god, I am not having this conversation with you again."

"See? You don't want to talk about anything! That's why we have so many problems! That's why we fight so much! That's why nothing ever gets fixed! That's why you-"

"What, Blaine?" Sebastian hisses quickly, narrowing his eyes at his husband. He knows full well what the next words dancing on Blaine's tongue are and he wants to hear him say it. "Why I what? Huh? That's why I cheated?"

Blaine scowls, closing his mouth and dropping his gaze to the floor.

"Oh no, wait, that's why you think I cheated?"

"I didn't say that."

"No, but you were going to."

"I was not!

"We did talk about that and if you'll recall I did not, in fact, cheat on you!" Sebastian's anger has most likely surpassed Blaine's by now.

"You thought about it."

"Maybe I thought about it, because you pissed me off like you are right now." It was a lie; Sebastian has never once thought about cheating on Blaine. But they weren't playing the nice game at the moment.

He spit the words so harshly at Blaine that he swears he saw the other flinch before raising his eyebrows. "Oh, is that a threat?" Blaine challenges him.

"No."

"Because it sounds like one. You know if you want to go so bad- if I'm such a bad husband- why don't you just go? Hmm? I mean, I clearly make you so unhappy!"

Sebastian just lets out a laugh, shaking his head as he reaches for his shirt to put it back on. He's so far beyond done with this conversation. It's gotten so far off-track and out of hand. He's so angry and he's so upset with Blaine. He doesn't even want to be in the same room with him. "Oh screw you, Blaine." He says before slipping on the shoes he had just recently kicked off. "You're ridiculous."

"No! Screw you! I-" Blaine looks down as Sebastian puts on his shoes; it causes him to lose his train of thought and his tone falters ever so slightly. "Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving."

With raised eyebrows, Blaine's lips part just enough to scoff. "Oh. Well. Good!" He nods his head.

"Good." Sebastian stalks past his husband to leave their bedroom.

"Don't bother coming back!" Blaine looks after the other, hurrying to step into the hallway to holler at him some more.

"Don't count on me coming back!" And with that, Sebastian's out the front door, shouting the words "Embrasser mon cul!" before slamming it shut.

"Kiss mine in English!" The other shouts right back to him.

Blaine stands there in the hallway for a moment, staring after his husband with his arms crossed tight against his heaving chest. He's so angry. His breath is uneven from all of the yelling and a deep wrinkle is set in his forehead. He didn't care in that moment that Sebastian left, he was so upset.

Good, let him leave. He was just being an ass anyway, he thought. A big, dumb, stupid jerk. Psh. "Don't count on me coming back." He'll be back. He's said that before. His inner voice mutters as he continues to stand there, letting his breathing finally calm before he begins heaving again. This time not from the fight, but from the realization that's beginning to hit.

Sebastian left. Left. Blaine's face drains of the angry heat it once held and the deep, furious wrinkle morphs into one of worry. The longer he stands there waiting for Sebastian to walk through the door, the more evident it becomes that he is not coming back. The calmer he becomes from their fight, the more worried he is that maybe that was actually it. Maybe Sebastian actually left. For good.

Oh god, what if he actually doesn't come back this time? What if I never see him again? What if this is it? What if he moves out? What if we get divorced? No. No. This can't happen. Who cares what happened, right? I can't let him leave. No, no. I can't. I have to go after him. "No, no, no." The shorter repeats under his breath as he hurries down the hallway, his heart beating faster as tears sting his eyes. He fears his husband would be long gone by now and he would have to search for him. "Sebastian!" He calls out as he yanks open the front door, stopping in his tracks.

Blaine lets out a breath of surprise mixed with relief as he sees Sebastian standing there with his hand out as if he was just about to reach for the door himself. He sports his own defeated frown. "I'm sorry." Is all he says before pulling Blaine flush against him, crashing their lips together in a hungry kiss, a feeling of relief washing over them both as they melt into each other. Electricity sparks between them and spreads through them both like wildfire as Blaine throws his arms around Sebastian's neck.

"No, I'm sorry." Blaine mumbles into their needy kiss, pulling the taller back into their apartment and pushing the door shut. "I'm terrible; I'm so sorry."

"You're not terrible; I'm terrible." Sebastian tightens his hold on Blaine, seemingly the two can't hold each other quite tight enough. "I love you." He whispers as he lifts Blaine up.

Wrapping his legs around Sebastian, Blaine moves to cup his husband's face, their lips not losing touch even a little. "I know you wouldn't cheat on me." He confesses- despite his insecurities, he knows it's true.

"I don't resent you for quitting your job." Sebastian adds onto the confessions, shaking his head gently as he moves toward their bedroom. "I love you and I want to have babies with you." He whines against Blaine's lips between their desperate kisses, his forehead wrinkling. "So many babies."

A smile spreads across the shorter's face and he gives a slight nod. "I know." He finally pulls his lips slowly from his husband's when they get to their room and Sebastian gently places him on the bed, unwrapping his legs. Sebastian kicks off his shoes again and discards his shirt to the floor.

Blaine looks up at Sebastian lustfully, his chest rising and falling with soft pants, both of them a little bit out of breath from the constant kissing. With a smirk, Sebastian reaches down to tear Blaine's shirt open, the buttons popping off and flinging across the room, echoing as they bounce against the dresser and hardwood floors. Leaning down, he places soft, wet kisses all over his husband's exposed stomach. "Mmm," Blaine moans very softly, biting his lip as his back arches.

It takes longer than it should for both of them to shed each other of their clothes because their mouths keep finding their way back to each other, kissing one another messily- tongues and teeth clashing with urgency. However, once they are both naked, Sebastian wastes no time and soon Blaine is pinned to the bed, panting and whimpering soft sounds of pleasure.

Those sounds and the way Blaine's body moves underneath him drives Sebastian absolutely crazy. He will never get over being with Blaine this way; it had always been something he dreamt of ever since he first saw him and he will never understand how he got so lucky. Blaine underneath him, completely flushed and breathless, begging for him is almost enough to push him to the edge but he has gotten very good at holding on over the years. Sex with Blaine is almost too hot. He'll never forget the first time they had sex; it had been spontaneous and he hadn't been expecting it and he was so intoxicated by Blaine that he couldn't talk himself down enough to make it last longer than a couple of minutes. It had been mortifying, to say the least. Thankfully Blaine, always gracious, gave him a second chance that very night and it had been the best experience of either one's life. Until they had sex again and the next time and the time after that.

Sebastian will never get over having sex with Blaine.

Placing a hand on Blaine's thigh, Sebastian spreads his husband's legs a little more as they move together in sync. The sheets rustling beneath them and the sound of their desperate moans and whimpers fill the quiet apartment, their movements becoming quicker and needier, heat radiating from their bodies. The wildfire that started at the front door now completely running rampant through their bodies, seeping out of them, fogging the windows, almost sets the apartment on fire.

God, why on Earth would he ever threaten to leave Blaine?

Sebastian leans his forehead against Blaine's as they move against one another desperately, breathing, panting into each other, whispering and whining words of encouragement and affection. When they finally hit their climax, not just moments apart, Blaine clings to Sebastian for dear life, letting out a loud groan of pleasure. Sharing ravenous kisses, they ride out their orgasms together, their glistening bodies trembling.

Collapsing onto Blaine once they stop moving, Sebastian rests his head on his husband's shoulder, panting against his neck. Blaine smiles to himself, running his shaking hand slowly up the taller's back, inhaling deeply to attempt to catch his breath.

"Mmm." He lets out a content sigh.

"I love you," Sebastian whispers against his neck before he starts kissing it, lazily sucking a mark onto Blaine's skin.

"I love you, too."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too."

After a moment, Sebastian lifts himself up just a little to look down at him, Blaine's hazel eyes sparkling up at him. Sliding his hands up Sebastian's smooth, freckled, chest slowly, Blaine cups his face, pulling him closer, his legs now just loosely hooked over the taller's. "You're my everything, you know." Blaine whispers before pressing their lips together softly.

Sebastian exhales a soft sound of acknowledgment. Blaine is everything. Everything. "You're mine, too." He whispers against the other's lips as he returns the kiss.

"I don't know what I would do without you." Blaine continues, feeling particularly vulnerable after the fight they've had.

"Ehh, you would live on; you'd be okay without me." Sebastian assures him. He doesn't want to get too deep into this conversation, knowing how it makes Blaine sad. He tries to keep it light, biting gently at Blaine's neck.

Shaking his head, Blaine's brow furrows. "I probably wouldn't. I need you." His voice is just a soft whisper, his eyes fluttering. He slides his hands slowly back down Sebastian's neck to his chest, resting them there.

"I would want you to." The other murmurs, pressing his lips to the shorter's cheek, trailing kisses down to his jaw.

"But I need you."

Kissing down Blaine's jaw line, Sebastian sighs softly in defeat. He hates when Blaine starts this conversation, because Sebastian is realistic. He knows some day one of them is going to die and most likely the other will be left alone. He doesn't want to sugarcoat the reality of life, but he knows Blaine and Blaine believes in stories like The Notebook. Sebastian finds it difficult to console Blaine and not lie to him at the same time. He always tries as gently as possible to make Blaine see the reality but it never works. "I need you, too, baby." He says before lifting his head again, looking down into those golden eyes. "But I would want you to get on with your life if I was gone, I wouldn't want you to stop living."

Blaine just looks up at Sebastian for a moment, letting out a heavy sigh, shaking his head. "Okay, okay, okay. Enough of that. You know how I hate talking about you not being here." He slips his arms around the other's body, pulling him closer. Typical Blaine; bringing up a subject making himself upset and then backing out.

"I'm going to be gone someday, though."

Blaine slide his hand down his back before lightly spanking his butt. "I said stop that, you."

Sebastian has left his train of thought and gasps slightly, his mouth falling open ever so slightly. "You spanked me..."

Nodding, Blaine giggles. "Yes, and I will do it again if you don't stop." He leaves his hand on Sebastian's ass cheek to give it a squeeze.

"Ohh," Sebastian shives, a smirk tugging at his lips. "You know what it does to me when you touch my ass, baby." His voice is low and suggestive as he leans down to bite Blaine's bottom lip gently.

The other just giggles again. "You are such a horndog."

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Sebastian mumbles against his mouth before kissing him softly.

"Not a bad thing." He shakes his head, a teasing grin on his face. "Just exhausting."

Raising his eyebrows, Sebastian lifts up a little, looking down at Blaine. "Oh, well if I'm too much for you to handle, I could just find someone else to handle me." He teases. "I wonder what my secretary's doing… I bet she could go a few rounds.."

Blaine scoffs, his hand coming in contact with Sebastian's arm, stinging just barely. "Not funny."

Sebastian just laughs and leans down to kiss his husband. "I'm just kidding."

"Nuh uh." Blaine turns his head so Sebastian can't kiss him, placing his hands on his freckled chest, pushing him away a little. "Go kiss your girlfriend." He says, trying his best to hide the way his mouth twitches upwards as Sebastian kisses his cheek over and over.

"But you're a better kisser than she is." Sebastian whines, kissing Blaine's cheek even more.

"Oh you are such an ass." He laughs softly, actually pushing the other off of him now. "Get off of me."

Chuckling softly, Sebastian's gaze follow Blaine and he scoots close to him, pulling the sheet over both of their heads. "You know you love me."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do." Sebastian wraps his arm around his small torso, pulling him closer.

"Mmmno. I hate you." Blaine whines softly, grinning as he turned to face his ridiculous man, slipping his arm over his waist.

Sebastian grins at his husband. "Clearly." He whispers before capturing his lips in a loving kiss.

"Mmm, 'kay fine." Blaine murmurs, biting his lip gently before telling the other that he loves him.

"You better." He squeezes Blaine's side gently, causing him to jerk and let out a squeak.

"Don't! That tickles!"

"Oh it does?" He raises an eyebrow before squeezing the other's side again, moving his fingers against his skin.

"Sebastian!" Blaine snorts, not being able to hold back a loud laugh. "Stop!"

Sebastian just laughs softly as he tickles Blaine's side a little more. Relishing in the cuteness that is his husband, the way his eyes crinkle as the wide, sparkling grin spreads across his face, the way his forehead wrinkles as he lets out breathy giggles, wiggling against Sebastian under the sheets. He's so in love with Blaine and he loves that he has no doubt that Blaine is just as in love with him.

"Stooooooooooooooop!"

"Mmm fine." Sebastian mumbles, pecking his lips softly, slipping his arm around him again. They hold each other as close as possible, arms wrapping around each other tight, legs tangling. It's as if they can't hold each other close or tight enough.

"I want us to last, Sebastian." Blaine whispers very softly after they share a few more or a dozen slow kisses, his heart beat starting to calm down again from the tickling. "I don't want to fight anymore. I'm so scared of losing you." Shaking his head gently, his forehead wrinkles with worry as he looks to the green eyes in front of him, their faces barely an inch apart. "My brother told me it was a mistake marrying you- that it won't last… because I love you too much."

Sebastian's eyes flutter a little as Blaine's soft breath ghosts over his lips, a slight shiver creeping up his spine, warming his insides. "I don't want to fight either, love." He looks to the other with a loving smile, brushing their noses together, his voice is just as soft as Blaine's. "You're not going to lose me." Another kiss. "And we're not a mistake; we're going to last. You know how I know?" When his husband's warm honey eyes look at him with curiosity he just smiles, pressing their lips together. "Because I still wake up every morning and the first thing I want to do is see your face." His voice is soft and slightly muffled as his lips are still pressed against Blaine's.

Blaine swears that he literally just turned into pure liquid as he melts against his husband. Sebastian never stops taking his breath away. "I love you."

Grinning softly, Sebastian nods. "I love you, too." He presses another kiss to his lips. "Now go turn off the lamp." His nose scrunches.

Blaine whines, "No, you turn it off."

"Noo, I did it last time, plus you were up last."

"We were both up last, you jerk." Blaine chuckles, tapping him on the arm lightly before groaning. "Fineee." He sighs heavy and resigned, getting up out of the bed and going across the room to their dresser, tuning off the lamp before shuffling his way back to the bed, yawning.

"Hurry up and get back in here, I'm cold." Sebastian grins in the dark.

"Mm, shut up, you're the one-ow!" He yelps, a horrible pain shooting through his toe as his foot comes in contact with the large wooden trunk that sits at the foot of their bed.

"You okay?" The taller quickly sits up, concern in his voice as he squints, just barely making out his husband's small frame in the dark room.

"No, my toe." Grabbing his toe and hobbling to the bed, Blaine whines the whole way there.

"Again?"

"Yeah, well if you would just turn off the light it wouldn't happen." Blaine pouts as he slips back into bed.

"We need to be getting a light for the bedside table." Wrapping his arms tight around the shorter, he pulls him closer.

"Good idea, I'll get my next husband to do it." Blaine teases with a grin on his face.

"Oh, your next husband, huh?" Sebastian also grins, tickling at his side, causing the other to giggle.

"No, no, no, no, no! Stoppp!" He laughs again, snorting." "I'm just kidding. You know there's no one else for me."

Sebastian just shakes his head as he gazes fondly at the shorter. "Just shut up and kiss me, pain in my ass."

"Douleur dans mon cul." Giggling softly, Blaine wraps his arm over Sebastian's waist, capturing his lips in a loving kiss.

They tighten their hold on each other, tangling their legs together again, nuzzling against each other, sharing soft, slow, sweet kisses until they finally drift off to sleep all snuggled together under the sheets.

Nights like this happen so often, they fight with each other over the stupidest things and yell at each other and sass each other and threaten to leave, but in the end they end up having make up sex even hotter than the last time and they talk to each other, be silly with each other, eventually falling asleep in each other's arms. That's just them. Some might say that fighting so much is not a healthy relationship. But it's them. They are passionate about each other and they never hold back showing it and they work. They just work.

They have this perfect little imperfect life together. They are absolutely perfect for each other, one not complete without the other.

They sleep soundly at night knowing they get to spend the rest of their life right there next to one another.


	2. Chapter 2

"Is he okay?"

"Bless his heart."

"Have you seen him? I saw him yesterday and I barely recognized him."

"It's such a shame. Sebastian was so young."

"And they were so in love."

"I've never seen two people more in love."

"Or attached. They were attached at the hip. I don't think I ever saw them apart."

"The poor thing, how is he going to cope with this? They were together since they were 18, so what, seven years now? "

"Alright, that's enough! Shut the hell up. Stop talking about him like he's not here."

The voices are in another room, but it's like they're yelling right in his ear. And they just keep repeating themselves over and over. He's tired of hearing the same words, he's tired of being asked what he's going to do. He's tired of dealing with this without Sebastian. He's just...tired.

 _No, I'm not okay. I will never be okay again._

 _Yes, I'm aware, I look awful. Thank you. I don't care._

 _We really were in love. So, so in love._

 _We were never apart and when we were I counted the seconds until I got to see him again._

 _I don't know how I'm going to cope with this. I don't know if I can cope with this. No, I know I can't cope with this._

 _We were together seven years, four months and three days._

Blaine has been listening to people talking about him and Sebastian in hushed tones as he stands in the supply closet of his brother's bar. Cooper had been nice enough to offer his establishment for the memorial get-together. Blaine's original plan was to have it at his and Sebastian's apartment, but ever since it happened he and the apartment have been a big mess. His dark, curly hair has become a bit unruly, he hasn't shaved, and he's been wearing the same clothes for days. Almost completely full boxes of uneaten takeout littered the tables and counters next to the empty bottles of wine and other various alcoholic beverages. He manages to clean himself up halfway for the memorial— only changing his clothes— but the apartment is still dreadful.

Sighing heavily, Blaine leans back against the door, sliding down to the cold cement floor. Bringing his knees up, he wraps his arms around them, holding them to his chest. He sniffles softly as he lets his forehead rest against his knees, a few tears rolling down his cheeks. He's never felt so lost, so small, so alone. He needs Sebastian. He feels as if he's drowning, trying desperately to grasp onto something to keep his head above the water but there's nothing there. There's no one there to help him— to hear him calling for help as the water fills his lungs. He can't breathe. He can't do this.

When there's a small knock on the door, Blaine groans. "Cooper, not now, please." His brother has been bugging him all day to get out of the storage closet but he can't. He doesn't want to talk to anyone, to those people out there who spoke of him as if he isn't there. He doesn't want to see how devastated his in-laws are. He doesn't want to talk to friends he hasn't seen in forever, he doesn't want to converse with Kurt - one of Cooper's closest co-workers. He wants to be left alone.

"Blaine, it's...it's me, open the door."

Until now.

He breathes out her name like a sigh of relief. "Rachel." Sniffling as he quickly stands up, he opens the door only long enough to let the girl in before shutting it and locking it again. "I'm so glad you're here," he wraps his arms around her torso, clinging to her.

"I'm sorry I'm so late; my flight was delayed," the young woman says softly, slipping her arms around him, sniffling a bit herself. It was obvious she's been crying for a long time. "You know I wouldn't let you go through this alone."

"I know." He nods as a few more tears escape his eyes. "I can't believe he's gone..."

"I know, sweetie, I know." Rachel's voice is wrapped up in a whine as she begins to cry again; she had never been as close to Sebastian as she is to Blaine but the two had learned to love one another despite constantly butting heads. She loved Sebastian dearly and it hurts to know she'll never get to bicker with him again.

They stand there together in the tiny supply closet, holding each other tight, crying softly against each other's shoulders. It's really nice to have her there. Rachel is more than Blaine's best friend, she's practically like his sister; Sebastian even teased them about being twins because they were so much alike. He knows she's hurting, too. Rachel had been kind enough to come visit the couple when Sebastian was getting worse, and no matter how he tried and tried to deny it: Sebastian loved Rachel and it had warmed Blaine's heart to see that even at his sickest, Sebastian could still find it in him to argue with the girl about something. When the three had said their goodbyes— barely even two weeks ago as Rachel was flying home to Ohio for a while—Sebastian took a turn for the worst and then he was gone.

With a soft sigh escaping through her lips, Rachel shakes her head and pulls back just a little to look at Blaine. "We have to stop this; he would be so disappointed in us for standing here bawling our eyes out," she says with a tiny, sad smile. Her brown eyes are red and puffy, matching Blaine's as she sniffles. "I could argue all I wanted with him that our tears are justified but he wouldn't have it."

Blaine lets out a watery chuckle accompanied by a gentle nod. "I know," he lets go of his friend, wiping at his face as he sighs heavily. His forehead wrinkling, he looks at Rachel. "I just- I don't know what to do with myself," he admits with a helpless shrug. He feels lost, alone. His honey eyes glance down at the wedding band on his finger and he twists it around slowly, his voice almost too soft to be heard. "I don't know how I'm supposed to get through this."

Rachel looks at Blaine sadly, feeling helpless. She wants to help him but she can't, it's like he's too far out of reach, falling off a cliff and all she has are words. "I know, Blaine, I know." She's been in his shoes before, she's lost her significant other to the painful kiss of death and she knows firsthand how Blaine feels. "When Finn died it was like a part of me was missing- like the whole right half of my body was gone. I couldn't function."

Looking over at her, he shakes his head. "I know you know," he says as he reaches over to give her hand a comforting squeeze. He knows that if anyone can relate, it's Rachel. She's been through loss like this, she's lost everything before. He understands the feeling of feeling like half of yourself is missing. Sebastian was his other half, his soulmate, his _better_ half, his heart, his everything. He's lost all of that- lost everything. There's a hole where his heart used to be and he has nothing. He is nothing.

Taking a deep breath, Rachel stands up straight, smoothing out her black dress. "We just have to pull ourselves together the best we can. He would be so mad at the both of us right now for all of this crying and mourning," she comments as she wipes the tears from her cheeks.

"He would," Blaine agrees with a small smile, shaking his head. "He'd be so mad at me; I've barely eaten and I haven't left the apartment. I've been in bed and… Drinking _so_ much. He would be so upset with me."

Rachel's eyebrows raise and she places her hands on Blaine's biceps. "He would be _so_ upset with you- you have to take care of yourself, Blaine." Her tone is understanding but serious. "You can't just let yourself rot away in that apartment, okay? You need to keep going… For him."

He just nods again.

The young woman steps closer to press a kiss to his cheek, pulling him into a tight hug. "You're going to be okay, it's going to be okay," she whispers even though she knows those words mean nothing right now. She knows that any words of encouragement will go in one ear and right out the other- but sometimes, if said enough, some will stick and those are the words that get you through this. "You'll get through this and you will be okay."

"I love you, Rachel," is all he says as he hugs her back, burying his face against her neck, holding her tightly.

With a soothing hand rubbing up and down his back, Rachel nods, closing her eyes tight. "I love you, too, Blaine."

"Will, uh-" he sniffles as their hug breaks apart, wiping at the neverending flow of tears on his cheeks. "Will you do me a favor? Will you find Seb's mom and dad out there and tell them that I love them? Tell them I'm so sorry but I just- I can't." Blaine feels guilty that Sebastian's parents have come all this way for him to be just hiding in the closet rather than comforting them.

Rachel agrees without hesitation, giving him another hug. "Of course, Blaine. I know they completely understand." With another kiss to his cheek and a final hug, the woman slips out of the supply closet and into the room of guests to greet the familiar faces.

He stays hidden in the supply closet for a while longer before finally composing himself enough to put on a semi-brave face and emerge. Blaine is careful not to draw attention to himself as he glances around at the room full of people, sighing heavily as he sees all of Sebastian's co-workers, their old friends, new friends, the Warblers, their parents, and a whole bunch of other people who never took the time to come see them when Sebastian was alive. Why now? Why bother? These are the people who he'd heard talking about them earlier. People who only showed up to gossip and look at the poor, pathetic widower. With a scoff and a disgusted look towards the group of people, Blaine heads over to the bar. Sighing softly when he notices Kurt standing back there instead of Cooper, he takes a seat on one of the bar stools furthest away from the crowd. Leaning his cheek against his hand, he picks at the wooden bar beneath his other.

Kurt looks to the youngest Anderson and he feels a bit awkward, not knowing what to say to him. He isn't good with words at all much less consoling someone whose husband just died— which is fine with Blaine because he isn't interested in carrying a conversation with anyone. Unfortunately for him, though, Kurt ends up speaking anyway, unable to hold the awkward silence.

"Can I get you something?" he asks, pulling a bottle of vodka from behind the counter, pouring a glass for someone at the other end of the bar.

Blaine just shakes his head. It isn't that he doesn't like Kurt— he likes him a lot— he just isn't in the mood for any of this.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Kurt speaks again.

This time Blaine speaks as well, giving Kurt a grateful half smile. "Thanks."

"How did he die?"

"Brain tumor."

"Nice."

Blaine tilts his head, quirking his eyebrow at the other.

Kurt realizes how what he said sounds and he was just about to explain that he hadn't meant it disrespectfully, he only meant— well, he doesn't know exactly what he'd meant by the statement. Kurt has a different way of thinking and speaking and he doesn't often make good use of the filter between his brain and his mouth. Thankfully, by the look on Blaine's face, he understands so the subject is dropped and so Kurt moves on. "I uh, I saw the urn. It's gorgeous."

"Thanks." Blaine gives him another soft smile.

"When my cat died I buried him in a stereo box. Not quite as elegant."

The statement draws a soft chuckle from Blaine's lips and he shakes his head. Kurt is definitely different, to say the least; you never knew what was going to come out of his mouth.

Blaine doesn't notice the way Kurt looks as him as he casts his eyes down, fiddling with the cuffs of his blazer. It's an inappropriate way to look at someone at their late husband's memorial, it's an inappropriate way to feel about someone who is married and just lost their husband- but Kurt's had a crush on him since the day they met and he can't help it.

When the eldest Anderson emerges from the crowd to finally slip back behind the bar, Kurt is pulled from his thoughts. "Hey, Little Brother. How you holding up?" Cooper asks, taking a double-shot glass and placing it in front of Blaine, filling it up.

"I'm just gonna...go take the trash out." Kurt says, deciding to give the brothers a few moments alone, disappearing off into the back of the bar.

"Thanks again, Kurt," Blaine says before turning his attention to his brother. "I'm fine," he sighs, looking at the shot resting in front of his. Of course he isn't fine and it's written all over his face. "I just hate the way they're looking at me…"

"Don't let them get to you. They didn't know you two."

He just sighs heavily once more, nodding.

Cooper looks over at Blaine, studying the sad look on his face. "You know, Blaine, you can stay with me for a while if you need to." The eldest offers, shaking his head. "I really don't think you should be alone…"

Blaine contemplates the offer only for a moment before he politely declines. "No, no. I need to be home. I _want_ to be home. I-" he sighs, shaking his own head. "I think being alone is exactly what I need right now." That's when he decides to finally drink the golden liquid in front of him, feeling it burn all the way down as he places the glass down on the bar again.

With a furrowed brow of disapproval, Cooper clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, crossing his arms. "B, you're… I'm worried about you"

Blaine's face mirror Cooper's almost exactly as his gaze lifted up, sadness tugging at his stomach. "Don't call me 'B'... Please," he requests. "And _you_ are scaring _me._ You haven't pointed out a single thing I've done wrong since I arrived; you're usually pretty prompt with the criticism."

"Blaine-"

"Like, not only have I been hiding in the closet all day- I burnt the lasagna I brought. I never burn anything, Cooper. Never, not once have I ever burned _anything!_ That would've been the _first_ think you would've pointed out and you didn't. _I_ should be worried about _you._ "

Cooper lets out a soft chuckle at the way the younger Anderson rambles on, agreeing with him. Blaine is right that Cooper has toned down his usual criticisms due to Blaine being in such a fragile state. "Well, you're right. It was extremely overdone and you left out the ricotta cheese. Who leaves out ricotta cheese? You're making lasagna for God's sake. Honestly, little brother, you're losing your touch. That lasagna is subpar at best."

The younger can't help but laugh softly, smiling at his brother. "That's better."

"And this," Cooper starts, reaching over the bar to tug at the light green tie. "This isn't a wedding, Blaine. You should have worn a black tie instead of this hideous thing."

At that, Blaine's face falls and his brow furrows. "Okay, that's enough," he says as he pushes Cooper's hands away, not amused anymore. The younger Anderson looks down to fix the tie so it would lay just perfect, sadness pulling at his insides down. "This… This was my favorite tie of his," he admits, brushing his thumb over the chartreuse material. "It really made his eyes prominent- brighter than they already were." His lips purse with a sad smile.

Cooper watches as Blaine fiddles with the tie, sighing heavily. He feels like a real tool. "Christ, B, I'm sorry. I didn't know," he says, running his hand over his face.

Blaine looks up, his eyes glazed over with tears. "It's okay, Coop," he whispers, sniffling away the tears before they can fall. "Please…. don't-don't call me that."

"Sorry." Cooper nods.

The older Anderson opens his mouth to speak again but he soon closes it, stopping as Rachel comes over to take a seat next to Blaine, Santana following close behind.

"So, if you need absolutely anything at all, here's my number."

Rachel sighs, nodding, taking the small piece of paper from the other girl. "Thanks, Santana. I really appreciate it."

"And if whenever you're in town and you want to hang out or someone to show you around, you call me. Okay, pretty girl?"

" _Santana!_ " Blaine scolds, his forehead wrinkles disapprovingly as he looks to his best friend. "That is so tacky."

She looks at him, raising her eyebrows and hands defensively, "What?"

"You are hitting on my other best friend at my husband's memorial."

Rachel shakes her head, sighing. "Oh, I'm used to it," she lets out a soft chuckle. "She did the same thing at your wedding and… just about every time I've been here since."

Blaine shoots a glare towards Santana.

"She can't seem to understand that I have a _boyfriend_ ," Rachel says, raising her eyebrows at the other girl.

Santana just huffs. "I'm just being friendly."

"Mhm," Blaine nods. "Well now is not the time to be _friendly."_

Rolling her eyes, Santana throws her hands up in defeat. "Alright, alright. Fine." She glances towards Rachel, "Sorry."

Rachel chuckles. "It's fine." She sighs looking towards Blaine. "I think Seb's mom and dad are ready to start. Are you coming?"

"Yeah," Blaine lets out a soft sigh. He wants to go home, hide under a rock; do anything that isn't this. "Yeah, I… maybe hearing people talk about him will lift my spirits a little," he says before downing another shot Cooper had poured for him.

He _thought_ listening to everyone telling stories about Sebastian during the memorial might make him feel a little better.

But it doesn't.

Not at all.

He actually progressively feels worse as the evening goes on- listening to all of these people go on and on about how snarky and witty Sebastian was, or what a ruthless lawyer he was. Someone even has the audacity to bring up his high school life and how he "got around". It makes him sick. He can't take it anymore- these people. Aside from him and his family— and with the exception of Rachel and Santana— no one knew Sebastian. No one. He is certain that his in-laws hate listening as much as he does. No one knew Sebastian, especially not the way Blaine does.

They don't know what it feels like to have his fingertips run slowly up their arm, leaving a trail of warmth and goosebumps in their path. They've never felt how he holds Blaine every night like he is the most precious thing in the entire world and he never wants to let him go. They've never experienced laying their head on Sebastian's chest to listen to his heartbeat while he sings to Blaine, his slender fingers combing through the dark curls on his head. They don't know what it's like to be kissed by Sebastian- the sweet, loving kisses. The _I need you right now_ kisses- the kisses that are so slow, their lips barely dragging against each other that it was almost agonizing, just kissing him for no other reason than the fact that Sebastian loves him too much. The kisses that have so much emotion behind them that it almost brings Blaine to tears because their passion for one another is _that_ overwhelming. They've never felt how much Sebastian is capable of loving because they've never given him that chance. They don't know how much Sebastian loves animals, or how badly he wants to have a baby with Blaine. They don't know Sebastian's sensitive side, the one that cries during _Marley and Me,_ the one that broke down into a thousand tiny pieces when he and Blaine almost separated a few years back. They don't know what it's like to hold Sebastian while he cries… they don't know that Sebastian cries. The never see the love he as in him, the light. They don't see the happiness on his face when he comes home and Blaine is cooking his favorite dinner. The _pure,_ sweet love in his eyes as he gazes at Blaine from the kitchen table while the other cooks. Some may see the way he looks at Blaine but they never truly _see_ it. They've never felt his love. His unapologetic, unadulterated _love_. They don't know how it feels to cling to him as they make love and he whispers just how beautiful Blaine is to him. They've never heard the words that Sebastian whispers into his ears that make him go weak in the knees.

 _"I love you."_

 _"My world."_

 _"I adore you."_

 _"Love of my life."_

Everything you never expect to hear come out of Sebastian Smythe's mouth. But that's just it- they don't know how he loves because they don't know him. These people making jokes about how they don't know how Sebastian ended up with Blaine; it doesn't sit well with him. He knows they mean no harm, only wanting to lighten the mood. But they just have no idea— not really- and it bothers him.

Sebastian ended up with Blaine because they are _made_ for each other. There is no one else in the world for either one of them. They are so right, so perfect for each other. They just _fit_ ; they're soulmates. It's like they are in their own world, wrapped up in each other all of the time and it's unexplainable to anyone. People have often said it's unhealthy for them to be so attached to each other, but they don't care. They get it, they understand. That's all that matters.

Blaine has been foolish enough to actually believe that nothing would actually happen to either one of them; he has been completely convinced that they will grow old together and have babies and grandbabies. This whole time he's believed that they will be free to fight and make up every single day until they're old and gray and they would die together- in each other's arms in the middle of the night. The thought has never crossed his mind once that life might be so awful as to take his husband away from him so soon.

When Sebastian fell ill he thought life was just playing some cruel joke on him and when the doctor told them he only had a few months to live, he thought life had gone way too far. He still doesn't even know how Sebastian could have gotten so sick. One day he was just fine and the next he was dying? It wasn't funny- watching your husband slowly die is the worst possible thing a person can ever go through.

This can't be happening.

 _No._

They're so happy. They're supposed to have a family and grow old together. This is stupid. Sebastian should be _waiting_ for him to get home.

Blaine doesn't wait for everyone to finish speaking before he sneaks out- not telling anyone he's leaving. He's had enough and he can't put on a fake face anymore. He has to go home even though he dreads it. All he wants to do is go home, get in bed with his husband, hold him tight and forget any of this ever happened.

But he can't.

He can't because Sebastian won't be there when he gets home.

Once he's at him inside of their apartment, he leans against the door, holding Sebastian's urn in his arms. His honey eyes glance around at the once warm, inviting apartment. It was now dark, cold, and empty. So empty. The happiness is gone. He swears he can hear his heart beating louder than ever against the walls. Memories begin to creep into his mind as tears prickle against the back of his eyes. It's almost as if he can see himself and Sebastian there, right there like they always were.

 _"I don't know why I even asked you to marry me!"_

 _"I don't know why either! Obviously you made a mistake."_

 _"A huge mistake."_

 _"Then why did you do it, huh?"_

 _"I have no idea. I shouldn't have."_

He can just see them in each other's faces, emotions of something completely unnecessary taking them over, yelling for no reason.

 _"You know what? Fine. If you're so unhappy with me, Sebastian, I'll just go."_

 _"No,_ I'll _go."_

 _"I'm not staying here. You can do whatever the hell you want, but I'm leaving."_

But before Blaine can even walk out, Sebastian stops him. He always stops him.

 _"Baby, baby, baby, wait. No. I'm sorry," Sebastian pleads, taking Blaine's hand and pulling him close. "I don't know why I said those things. I need you, you know I need you. That's why I asked you to marry me."_

 _Blaine lets out a heavy sigh, looking at the man in front of him, tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry, too. I know. I need you, too," he whispers, shaking his head. "I wouldn't leave you, I want to marry you so bad."_

 _Leaning their foreheads together, Sebastian sighs softly, pecking Blaine's lips with a gentle kiss. "I want to marry you so bad, too. That's all I've wanted since we met."_

 _Blaine nods, kissing Sebastian back. "I love you."_

 _"I love you, too. I love you so much, B."_

And just like that, as quick as the fight started, it's over and they're off to their room.

Sighing heavily, Blaine pulls himself from the door, sluggishly making his way to the kitchen as another memory of the two of them on his mind.

 _"Mm, babe, that smells fantastic." Sebastian murmurs softly, slipping his arms tight around Blaine's waist as the shorter flips the bacon in the skillet._

 _"Hey you, I thought you were sleeping." A grin spreads across the shorter's face._

 _Sebastian whines, pressing a soft kiss behind Blaine's ear. "The bed is all cold and empty without you in it. Come back."_

He can always get Blaine to go back to bed with him, their breakfast cold and forgotten on the counter. Sebastian's specialty is being persuasive with his soft kisses on all the right spots and the way his hands feel sliding down Blaine's body.

It takes no effort at all for the tears to cascade from Blaine's eyes and down his cheeks as he shuffles his way towards the bedroom, avoiding any eye contact with the pictures hanging on the walls. Pictures of them- from dates, their wedding, honeymoon, and school. He can't look at them.

When he reaches their bedroom, he places Sebastian down on the nightstand before he strips himself of all of his clothes, only leaving his boxers on. His gaze holds Sebastian's urn for a long moment and he takes a short breath. Shaking his head, Blaine rubs his hands over his face before going over to their closet and opening it up. Standing there in front of Sebastian's clothes, he reaches forward to run his hand along the line of button downs that have gone untouched for months. Sniffling softly as he pulls one of them off the hanger, slipping it on and buttoning it up. He loves to wear Sebastian's clothes, he loves the way that they're just a tiny bit too big for him. Whenever he's in Sebastian's clothes it makes him feel like he belongs; he loves the feeling of belonging to Sebastian.

Blaine pours himself into their bed after retrieving his phone from the pocket of his pants that are discarded on the floor. He pulls Sebastian's pillow close to him, burying his face in it and he takes a deep breath. For a split second he feels a flutter in his stomach, almost as if Sebastian is right there with him. It stays for a brief moment before the gravity of the situation settles on him heavily. A frown slowly begins to dig into his facial features and he cries. It feels as if his stomach is being tugged and ripped apart by razor sharp claws as tears roll down his cheeks. Blaine curls into himself; he's never felt pain like this before. He's never felt so _alone._

He doesn't know what to do— he just wants his husband. He wants Sebastian.

The quiet is too much for him; it's too loud. Pulling his face from the pillow, he sniffles and looks at his phone, finding Sebastian's name out of his recent calls. He closes his eyes and listens to the sound of Sebastian's phone buzzing on the dresser- it rings once, twice, three times. After the fourth ring his voicemail picks up.

" _Hey, it's Sebastian, leave a message."_

 _"Oh that's so generic, here let me-"_

 _"Blaine! Stop!" Sebastian laughs before it cuts off._

Closing his eyes even tighter, Blaine slips his free hand over his mouth to muffle a sob as he breaks down. He cries harder than before, his entire body shaking. Hearing Sebastian's voice makes his chest ache with deep sadness despite the silliness of the voicemail greeting. He takes a deep breath and it gets caught in his throat as he dials Sebastian's number again. He calls and listens to the voicemail greeting over and over again, just listening to Sebastian's voice until he eventually cries himself to sleep. He just needs to hear Sebastian's voice— it only makes it worse but he can't stop.

...

 _Blaine can't help but smile when he wakes up, the sound of his husband's soft singing flowing down the hallway and into their bedroom causing his insides to warm. Yawning softly, he gets up out of the bed, his bare feet padding against the hardwood floors smiling to himself as he listens to the melody his husband sings._

 _"I just want to be there_

 _When we're caught in the rain_

 _I just want to see you laugh not cry_

 _I just want to feel you_

 _When the night puts on its cloak_

 _I'm lost for words don't tell me_

 _All I can say_

 _I love you 'till the end"_

 _He sighs happily as he makes his way into the kitchen to find Sebastian standing there wearing only his boxers, making a pot of coffee. The aroma of the crushed French roast wafting through the air feels like home. This is right and this is how things are supposed to be. Blaine comes over and circles his arms around Sebastian tightly from behind, pressing his lips to a freckle between his shoulders._

 _"Hey, beautiful," Sebastian says, a grin pulling the corners of his lips up. He turns in Blaine's arms, leaning back against the counter as he pulls him flush against his body._

 _"Mmm, don't stop singing," the shorter whispers, pressing a soft kiss to his husband's lips._

 _Grinning softly, Sebastian chuckles against Blaine's lips. "You only married me for my voice."_

 _Blaine just nods, smiling at him for a moment, taking in his facial features for a long moment. He's so beautiful, so young and healthy. His face falls slowly and he sighs, resting his forehead against the taller's. "Sebastian, I can't fall asleep alone." His voice is quiet, broken._

 _"I'm right here, baby." Sebastian whispers right back, nuzzling his nose against Blaine's._

 _"I had a terrible dream." Blaine wraps his arms around Sebastian's body, clinging to him tightly._

 _"Don't tell me," he says, shaking his head just a little, placing a soft kiss against his husband's lips._

 _"I miss you." Blaine's voice is just barely loud enough to hear after a long silence filled with soft, loving kisses. A warmth spreading through him from the way their lips slowly drug across each other's._

 _Sebastian holds Blaine close and tight,, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I'm here, my love. I'm always here."_

 _Blaine nuzzles his face against Sebastian's chest, taking a deep breath to breath him in. He smells like home._

 _"I love you, Blaine." Sebastian whispers again, pressing one more kiss to Blaine's head._

 _The shorter nods his head slowly, his forehead wrinkling as tears fill his eyes, he knows he'll be waking up soon._

 _"I-I love you, too, Sebastian."_


	3. Chapter 3

_"Blaine honey, it's Mom… again. We haven't heard from you in a while; we're a bit worried. Give me or Rachel a call soon, okay? We love you. Oh… and… Happy birthday, dear. If you feel up to it, we'll still have your birthday dinner this weekend."_

Blaine sighs heavily, burying his face further into his pillows. He feels awful. It's the third time his mother-in-law has called him in three days and he just can't bring himself to call her back. He knows he should but he just… Can't. He can't bring himself to talk to anyone- not even Rachel. He expects that her call is next as it's been the same pattern for days. First, his mother-in-law calls, then Rachel, Cooper, and Santana. Wash, rinse, repeat. He knows that one of these days he's going to have to face it that Sebastian is gone and the world is still going on out there without him.

Just as expected, after a few moments of silence, his phone begins to ring once more. It rings and rings until his answering machine picks up and Rachel's crystal clear voice flows throughout his empty apartment.

 _"Blaine, you have_ got _to answer the phone. At least let_ someone _know that you're okay."_

A heavy sigh falls from his lips as he curls into himself tighter underneath his blanket. But he's not okay, that's just it.

 _"_ _I'm… I'm going back to Ohio for a little bit and I wanted to see you before I leave. So if you don't call me by tomorrow, I'm coming over. I love you."_

When Rachel hangs up, he counts to ten in his mind and then just like clockwork the phone rings again, he knows it's Cooper.

" _Blaine!"_ Nope, in a surprising plot twist it's actually Santana this time. " _Listen to me, I am coming over there if you do not answer this phone. At the very least text me, for God's sake. Let someone know you're alive."_ She sounds annoyed but he knows it's with love. _"Love you, B."_

With an audible groan, Blaine pulls the covers over his head. He knows he has to deal with them sooner or later- preferably later- but for now he just lets the sweet feeling of sleep take over. At least when he's sleeping, time is passing quicker.

A few hours later he wakes up to the unwelcome sound of someone knocking on his front door. Grumbling again, he buries his face against his pillow, figuring it's one of the girls threatening to come over but he knows that they both have a key. Neither one needs him to open the door. As the knocking continues persistently, he quickly figures out that whoever it is isn't going away anytime soon. Blaine seriously contemplates if getting up is worse than listening to the knocking for the rest of his life before he actually gets up to answer the door.

Rolling over and pushing himself up out of the bed, Blaine clutches the comforter as he pulls it right around him. The movement makes his sweatshirt rustle underneath, activating the faint scent of Sebastian that still lingers. It makes his stomach twist with both sadness and comfort.

When he finally makes it to the door, he's in the middle of a yawn as he opens it up, his curly hair sticking up wildly in every direction. A frown settles on his face when he sees who's standing on the other side: it's just some kid with shaggy blonde hair. "Oh," He was expecting to see a familiar face. "May I help you…?" He asks carefully as his eyes cast down to the single red rose and envelope the boy is holding.

"Uhhh are you Mr. Smythe? Blaine?" The kid asks, looking at a clipboard in his other hand.

"Yeah…" Blaine nods, narrowing his eyes a little warily.

"This is for you," the other says as he holds out the rose and envelope. "From a...um," he glances down at the clipboard. "Sebastian Smythe." A smile spreads across his face.

When Blaine hears Sebastian's name, the air completely leaves his lungs, the dull ache where his heart used to reside getting sharper. "Are… Is this some kind of joke?" He asks as a wrinkle settles in his forehead.

The boy shakes his head and checks his clipboard once more. "No, it says here 'For Blaine from Sebastian Smythe'."

Tears burn the shorter's eyes as his voice shakes with confusion, sadness, anger. "This isn't funny," he shakes his head. "My husband is dead… How? H-how could he?" He stutters, visibly upset.

"Whoa, I don't know, man; I just deliver." The kid says as he tries again to hand over the rose and envelope.

Blaine reluctantly takes them finally with a frown, still skeptical.

"Well, have a nice day."

Blaine looks down at the things in his hand as he closes the door, startled by the fact that his name is written on the outside of the envelope in his husband's elegant script. His heart pounds in his ears as he discards the rose onto the nearest surface, his fingers working quickly to open up the letter. Inside is a DVD with the words _watch me_ written in the same handwriting. After a brief pause, Blaine stumbles quickly to the living room, unable to get the disc in the player fast enough. With his hands shaking, he stands there in front of the television as the screen lights up with a shot of their living room. The camera shakes gently and he hears Sebastian clear his throat before he comes into view and takes a seat on their couch.

"Hey, baby."

Blaine's knees turn to jelly when he sees Sebastian's face, his voice ringing through the quiet apartment clearly, and he falls to his knees in front of the television. There he is sitting right there on their couch. His green eyes are sparkling in the sunlight and the corner of his eyes crinkle as he smiles at the camera. He takes note that Sebastian must have filmed this right before he got so sick he had to be admitted into the hospital— he still looks good. He looks like _his_ Sebastian.

"I know, this is kind of morbid. But I'm- I really hate that I'm not going to be around for your birthday this year. You're turning thirty and this is a big year for you. We were supposed to go to Paris and I don't want to leave you with nothing," Sebastian explains. "It kills me that I'm not going to get to see you freak out over turning thirty- that cute little worried wrinkle in your forehead." The taller says with a fond shake of his head before a look of realization flashes over his face and he snorts. "Literally, B, it _kills_ me." There's a quick beat and then he laughs. "It's funny."

Shaking his head, Blaine's forehead wrinkles with an unamused expression. It's just like Sebastian to crack jokes about something like this. "No, it isn't."

As if he can hear Blaine, Sebastian's smile falls and he shrugs. "Okay, no it isn't."

Sebastian's face lights up with another smile. "You're going to be so impressed, babe. I have this entire thing planned and you're going to love it; I promise." He rubs his hands together and takes a breath, clearly excited to announce what he's done. "I've written you letters. They'll be coming to you at different times and in different ways and don't even try to figure any of it out because it's too brilliant. Don't ruin the surprises, okay?"

A soft chuckle escapes from Blaine's lips as he wipes away at his face, tears involuntarily streaming down his cheeks as he watches the screen that holds his husband. He feels so warm and comforted at the sound of Sebastian's voice and the sight of his face. He's right there. If only he could touch him- hold him- let him know how much he misses him.

"I waited until your birthday because I know you'll lock yourself away at home for a while. But now, I want you to do everything that I say, okay?" Sebastian says as he nods towards the camera- towards Blaine. His eyebrows raise, causing his own little wrinkle in his forehead. It's so cute and Blaine is so happy to see it.

"Okay," Blaine says immediately, willing to do anything Sebastian tells him to do. He trusts him completely as always.

"First thing's first, I want you to take off my sweatshirt." This causes Blaine to laugh; Sebastian knows him well. "Then get your cute butt into the shower and get ready. Don't you dare over-use that hair gel now that I'm gone. You don't need it. Call Rachel and Santana and _go out_. Get _out_ of our apartment. Go have fun, B, you need it. Laugh, _smile_." Sebastian looks down, smiling to himself before shaking his head. "Your smile brightens not just my world, Blaine. It brightens the whole world. You're like… This ray of sunshine in this shitty world. Please don't let all of this kill that light." With his eyes still cast down towards the ground, Blaine can see them glaze over as Sebastian's smile fades away. Blaine swallows a hard lump in his throat as he watches Sebastian tear up before looking straight to the camera. "The thing is, B, I'm… I'm just not ready to say goodbye to you yet."

Blaine's breath quivers as his body shakes with a silent sob, the words breaking his heart further.

Sebastian sniffles softly before wiping away his tears. "Ugh, okay, okay. I've gotta go. You'll be home any minute now and I can't be spoiling this surprise." He smiles a little bit at the camera- at Blaine- and he sighs softly. "Just… just know that wherever I am, I'm missing you. Happy birthday, gorgeous. I love you." Sebastian then blows a kiss before his signature smirk settles on his face, giving a wink just as the screen goes dark. The smirk causes a flutter to flit across his stomach- something he hasn't felt in weeks.

"I love you, too," Blaine whispers to his own reflection in the television as he rests his back against the coffee table. Bringing his knees up to his chest, he wraps his arms around them tightly. His tiny body trembles with painful sobs as he hides his face against his knees, the tears flowing freely down his cheeks. This is awful. How is he supposed to do this? How does Sebastian expect him just to get up and move on with life just like that?

He knows it's the complete opposite of what Sebastian wants when he gets up from the floor, grabbing their comforter and heading back to the bedroom. "I'm sorry, Seb." He's just about to lie back down to burrow for another week when there's another knock on the door.

"Go away," he groans. The moment the person hears the sound, however, the knocking only gets quicker. Huffing loudly, Blaine goes to the door to open it up.

"Do you two not have keys?" he mumbles as Rachel pushes past him to let herself in carrying balloons and a bag in her hands, Santana lingers in the doorway just a moment to assess him. He raises his eyebrows at her before turning to walk away.

"Do you not have a shower?" Santana asks before grimacing. "God, what is that smell?"

"Ugh, It's _me_ , Santana." He grumbles into a pillow as he collapses face first onto the couch. "What's the point of showering?"

"Don't listen to her," Rachel says as she places the items down on the kitchen table. "You've hibernating, it's understandable." She continues as she picks up a few of the week-old take out containers and tossing them in the garbage. "He's fully within his right to not bathe if he pleases, he's been through quite a lot lately." The shorter smiled over at Blaine sympathetically. "However, what kind of friends would we be if we let you just stay in and be sad on your birthday?"

"The good kind?" He mock-guesses, knowing full well he won't be able to talk the women out of dragging him out of his apartment for the evening. He lets out a soft whine in protest as Santana rolls her eyes and tugs on his arm.

"Get up and shower," she orders before looking around the room, shaking her head. "Blaine this is ridiculous. Look at this place!" Santana huffs, picking up some of the trash from the coffee table and taking it into the kitchen to throw it away, only to find the trash can already overflowing with garbage.

"'Tana don't clean," Blaine says, sitting up a little, curling himself into the comforter a little more.

"Somebody has to or else you're going to be eaten by cockroaches," She calls out to the living room, rummaging through his kitchen to find a new trash bag. Santana knows that her best friend is taking the death of Sebastian hard but it hasn't really hit her until that moment on just how bad off he really is. It doesn't sit well with her. Blaine isn't like this; he keeps things clean and in their place at all times. She's been worried about him but in that moment it's increased tenfold. She's heard of people dying from a broken heart before but it isn't until that moment where she actually might believe it can happen. She and Rachel need to keep a better eye on him.

"Blaine," Rachel sighs, coming over to sit with him on the couch. "What're you doing?"

"I'm grieving, Rach. Didn't you do the same when Finn died?"

The girl looks down, pressing her lips together as she nods. "Yes, of course I did. I get it," she lifts her gaze to him, shaking her head. "But you can't hide yourself away here in the apartment and let yourself go." Rachel lifts her hand to run her fingertips along the heavy scruff that littered his chin. "It isn't going to bring him back or make you feel better."

"Neither will leaving the apartment."

A half-smile tugs the corner of her lips as she lets out a sigh of defeat. "Well, I can't argue that." She pats his leg before standing up. "Still, you need to get up; it's your birthday. Sebastian would be very upset with me if I let you stay in and not celebrate." She tugs on the comforter to uncover him. "Don't you want to celebrate before I have to go home?"

"Not really," he mumbles.

"Ouch- thanks, Blaine," she frowns, moving to walk away from the couch

"No, wait, Rach, I'm…" he sighs, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." Blaine sits up a little, tugging her down onto the couch next to him to wrap his arms around her.

She just nods, hugging him back. "It's okay," Rachel whispers, rubbing his back slowly.

"I'm really sorry, I'm just-"

"I know," she pulls him in tighter. "It's okay, it's okay." Rachel coos as she comforts her friend. "I understand, you know. This is really tough."

He's lucky to have Rachel. She's always understood him so well throughout their friendship and she's the only one he knows who can even fathom what he's currently going through. It's comforting to have her there and he wishes he would have let her come over sooner.

"I do have to tell you though," She leans back a little, a small smile on her lips. "You _do_ smell terrible." Rachel chuckles, shaking her head. "And that beard has got to go."

Blaine cracks a smile at his best friend. "Aww, you don't like it?" He leans in to nuzzle his face against hers, causing her to laugh and playfully push away.

" _Stoppp!_ "

"Okay, all of your garbage is in bags. You're welcome," Santana sighs as she comes into the living room, plopping down on the couch next to Blaine. "You are literally one of the grossest people in the world right now, do you know that?"

"I'll just go take that out," Rachel offers as she gets up, going into the kitchen to grab a couple of the bags to throw them into the chute in the hallway.

"Thank you, guys." he says, placing a hand on Santana's leg. "I really appreciate you both."

"Well, someone's got to take care of you if you're not going to do it yourself." Santana looks at his hand, her nose wrinkling as she pushes it away. "Gross, don't touch me until you've showered."

"Okay, okay," Blaine chuckles.

"Blaine, who's this rose from?" Rachel's voice chimes as she returns to the apartment.

The man's smile fades quickly. "Oh… I… that's from Sebastian." Saying his name makes his stomach churn.

"What?" The women say simultaneously.

"Yeah, he apparently set up this thing before everything happened. A delivery boy showed up today with the rose and a DVD."

"A DVD?"

"Yeah… he recorded himself-"

"Can we see it?" Rachel asks.

"Yeah, of course," he replies before reaching for the remote to turn the DVD back on.

Rachel takes a seat on the other side of her friend and takes his hand as she and Santana share a glance. Both girls hold his hands tightly as their attention turns to the screen.

The trio watch with tears in their eyes as Sebastian speaks to Blaine and by the end the tears are rolling down their cheeks.

"So," Blaine breaks a heavy silence that falls over them after the screen goes black. "Yeah, that's basically it for now." He shrugs. "I assume he has more things coming but I don't know what or how."

"Oh, Blaine," Rachel whines, squeezing his hand as she pulls him into a hug.

This gives Santana a moment to quickly wipe away her tears. Clearing her throat, she finally speaks. "Well, you heard the man," She sniffles, cursing herself for crying. "Get your ass up and shower, Hobbit and I are taking you out." The woman pats his leg as he and Rachel break away from their hug.

Blaine shakes his head a little, wiping at his face. "You guys don't really have to. I mean, I don't even know if I'm really ready for that."

"Sebastian thinks you are…" Rachel responds.

"Sebastian also thinks I can live without him." He mumbles, his eyes falling to where his hands rested on his lap.

Rachel sighs as she wipes underneath her eyes, pulling herself together. "Blaine, look at me." She reaches over to place a finger under his chin to lift his gaze to her. "I know how hard this is. But you are so much stronger than you know. You can do this, you will be okay. Remember how I was when Finn died? Look at me now." She gives him a sympathetic smile. "You're gonna be okay."

Blaine listens to every word she says, he remembers when he was in her position, doing everything he could to get her out of bed.

"Seb would be really upset if you ignored his wishes, too," Santana adds.

With a heavy sigh, Blaine nods. They're right; he can't just sit around waiting for his own life to end and he can't let Sebastian down. Finally getting up from the couch, Blaine nods once again, his tone uncertain. "Alright, I'll go shower."

"Thank _god_ ," Santana teases him, earning Sebastian's sweatshirt in her face when Blaine takes it off.


End file.
